My Story – Starting Anew

Some of you reading this post now might have known me for a number of years from corporate or travel blogging days. We might have connected through social media, my old blog or press trips. It might come as a surprise to you now that my path has changed. I’m no longer jet-setting like before, and there’s a whole different aspect of me that which has emerged – the spiritual side of me.

‘Spiritual’ might not sit well with some people. Just the word may conjure up images of religious preaching. Many people assume spirituality and religion are the same but the two concepts are different. Religion is an organised entity sharing a set of rituals and practices focusing on a higher power whereas spirituality involves a personal quest for meaning in life. I see spirituality as an individual practice, as a discovery of my true self, walking the path of self-realisation and self-mastery.

All of us have a spiritual side – it’s a question of whether are we aware of it or not. Some people knew this aspect of themselves at a younger age, whilst others discovered it much later when they found themselves at major crossroads in life. I was the latter.

I had worked for eighteen years in the corporate sector. I held stable jobs in multi-national companies, earning a comfortable salary and decent bonuses and received raving performance reviews. When I was thirty years old, I put a down payment for a condo and five years later, I bought my own car.

Yeah, you could say, wow, that’s amazing – what a cushy life! Indeed, I am very grateful for that. But in the midst of all those achievements, I still felt hollow, as if something was missing.

And I had thought the missing part was marriage and kids. But after a number of failed relationships, and getting disillusioned with societal pressures to get hitched while the biological clock was ticking loud, I just upped and left the dating scene.

This is because I had found something else – travel. Travel was the healing balm for many of my hurts and disappointments. Travel enabled me to get out of my comfort zone and be independent. Also, I had discovered travel blogging which became a creative outlet for me – an escape from dreary jobs, colleagues and work environments.

I loved travelling and blogging 😊 I loved it so much that it became a chase for destinations, social media followers and free media trips. By the fifth year of blogging, I was so caught up in the world of Google analytics, website traffic and marketing pitches that I had lost focus of the original intent of my blog which was simply to share inspirational, soulful travel content.

Instead, I chased travel just to add more content to the blog. Like, any content – from travel guides and top 10 lists to collaboration posts. This is because I believed at the time that more content meant more blog traffic, greater visibility and greater sponsor opportunities.

But what I didn’t realise then was chasing travel and all that came with it generated yet again the hollowness inside me. Chasing travel spawned envy and competitiveness within me. On top of that, I was increasingly disenchanted with work – waking up every morning with a huge dread in my heart, dragging my feet to the office, contributing as little as possible to the team. Everything looked great on the outset but it didn’t bring out the best of me as a person.

I was easily triggered by a lot of stuff. The slightest thing made me feel irritated, frustrated, angry and judgmental. There were a number of unresolved issues with family and relationships as well, and all of that were brewing inside me until one full moon night in Kanchanaburi, Thailand in 2018 (it has to be a full moon night, eh, lol!).

My best friend and I were travelling in Kanchanaburi and we got into a huge argument about something that was so trivial. The tiff was pretty bad so much so he told me in my face that I had anger management issues and that I needed to get my sh*t together.

I was quite shocked because I’d never thought I had anger management issues as I seldom explode in anger. I might have expressed impatience or irritation about some things but not blow up. What I didn’t know then that we could also implode with anger inside.

There were harsh words exchanged in that fight. Needless to say, both of us were really upset with each other and the trip was ruined. Most of all, I felt utterly horrible in my gut, not only for hurting my friend but at myself too. Eventually, we made up and until today, we are still very close 😊

Related Post: Lest We Forget, Kanchanaburi

The Kanchanaburi trip brought out the worst in me but it was a wake-up call. The fight became a catalyst for me to change my life around, to heal my anger wounds. But how to go about it, I wasn’t sure.

They say, everything happens for a reason. Every event in our life serves as a sign, so we can follow the clues that will lead us to the path that is meant for our highest good, and thus, every person we meet will have a role in our lives. Therefore, there are no accidents or coincidences in life.

Within a few months, situations led me to meditation circles and yoga classes. I never used to enjoy meditation and yoga in the past but somehow, I was led to the right teachers after that wake-up call. Subsequently I found myself drawn to a variety of healing sessions and divinity circles.

In addition, I was reminded of topics and interests which I used to enjoy in my twenties. I was fascinated with astrology, tarot and esoteric psychology topics in the past, but suppressed those interests due to fear of judgment from family and friends. You see, I was surrounded by family and friends whose beliefs were either steeped in Catholicism or agnosticism. Spirituality was considered “New Age” or woo-woo, therefore it was “evil” or “wrong” to be indulging in such practices, let alone believing in them. But this time around, I went ahead with formal certifications in Tarot Card Reading (Intermediate) and Pranic Healing (Level 1), and started giving tarot card readings for clients in late 2019.

While all this was happening, I had already quit my corporate job and was freelancing in business writing and travel writing as my main income. I kept the travel blog going at the same time, and went for media trips to Nepal, Madhya Pradesh, Northern Thailand and Luang Prabang. I also set up Crimson Asia – a bespoke trip planning service for private tours to India, Nepal, Sri Lanka and Bhutan.

By 2020, I was doing well with my personal healing, and I’d thought I found my purpose in travel, freelance writing and trip planning. I was ready to take my purpose to the next level and expand.

Then, the pandemic happened. Travelling had to stop. Crimson Asia had to be put on hold. We had to stay indoors for a very long time. Many people were worried about their jobs and businesses; in fact half of my income from trip planning and travel writing disappeared as a result of the pandemic, but strangely, I wasn’t overly worried.

Whilst others bemoaned that they had to stay indoors against their will or could not travel, I just wrapped up the last of my freelance writing assignments and started offering tarot card readings, intuitive coaching and spiritual mentoring. The funny thing was it went without any fanfare. I didn’t kick or scream about the *lockdown situations. No major announcements, not even to my family and friends. No drama. Set up an Instagram account for my offerings. I just went ahead into this new field, quietly and calmly.

*I did have a mini meltdown though in mid-2021 when Malaysia had its longest lockdown; every day was Groundhog Day 🙁

I am now entering the third year of being an Intuitive Coach and Spiritual Mentor, and I haven’t looked back since. I didn’t choose this path as my purpose now because I needed a job or something to replace my income from the travel business. No, I embarked on the spiritual journey to heal my own emotional wounds, and little did I know that I would transition seamlessly into this role of coaching others on their spiritual journeys of personal growth, empowerment and self-realisation.

Related Post: Coaching Sessions – Emotional (Therapeutic) Journaling

I am loving this role, I am responding to this calling, and I am grounded in this purpose. I am happy, fulfilled and ever grateful 😊

Travel will continue to be one of my passions, but I acknowledge that the old me that was chasing travels like in the past no longer exist. Many old aspects of myself had to expire, hence I shut down the old blog, the old Crimson Asia FB page, and my previous FB personal profile.

I’m starting anew now – new purpose, new blog, new FB profile, new Crimson Asia, new ways of travelling and connecting through soulful journeys.

And here’s to Soulful Journeys – a life journey that is ever changing, ever deepening.